I just ate the worst lasagna i've ever had.

I think the ricotta was rancid, the pasta had zero to little restitution, and the mozarella on top was like an interwoven fibrous rug. Garfield would have passed on it, and Alf would have passed on Garfield had he (Garfield) managed to choke down this debacle of a delicassy. Now it's sitting in my stomach like igneious rock - a bolus so dense Harrison Ford's girlfriend couldn't throw it up.
Prepare to turn green with envy, all you male readers: Christina shipped me the second best Valentines day gift a man could ask for (I only say second because the shipping charges for my own football franchise would have been astronomical): a beer basket. So delivered to my place of employment was a smattering of local and German beer(which I may forever sanctimoniously describe as the consecrated blood of Gambrinus). Glorious! What'd you get, Bruno? A cupcake with a poem? Awwww. If you need me I'll be dousing my thirst with the consecrated blood of Gambrinus; you know, just a little piece of thoughtfulness from my girlfriend to show she really cares. And for those of you currently under the age of 40 in the US: don't hit on my girlfriend! She already has someone on the receiving end of her gift-giving prowess.
For some record keeping here, what will appear above is mine and Craig's adventures in Lorne - brand new material just separate from this here post due to its potential length (it is as of yet unwritten, so I will commence shortly with my making it so).
Oh, almost forgot: before I begin documenting the saga of the Lorne Cancer Conference - I believe the swimsuit edition is on newstands now. The city of baltimore may actually shut down (have you seen who's on the cover?). Call it a hunch, but not only will there be more of our neighbors with reading material in their hands than ever before, but this magazine cover will be mentioned in somewhere between 4 and 5 hundred thousand rap songs when all is said and done. I never thought I'd say this, butt (freudian) breaking up DC was probably the best career move imaginable. Hey, riff raff drug hopper from The Wire, how should we adjust our ladies' facial features? "Yo, Chinese up her eyes like Beyonce." Well put.