AAARRRRGGGHHH

In terms of shitty mcshit things to happen, I think yesterday takes the cake (most likely without permission, and while the baker was not home). So I return early from work (the venerable director here gave us an early release before christmas), to find the doorframe to my bedroom broken w/ plaster everywhere. That damn landlady, doing work and not cleaning up - nope - that can't be it, someone must have broken in; so if they broke in, that means they probably took - looking left - yes, yes they did steal my laptop. Allow me to calmly tell you that I am furious and my blood pressure is probably a good 50 points above its already elevated 155/90 ish range. Just thinking about this makes me want to stab something (not someone, like a pillow or something). Oh man am I angry. I'm so pissed I can't even type the fluent thoughts that I'm almost having. The computer was really my only way of staying in contact w/ the US. And there's not even a definitive criminal population I can blame, which just makes me suspicious of everyone.
Here's how it went down: there's a guy that lives in our backyard, in a shed. Yes, this is strange, and yes, I was going to tell all of you about him sooner or later, on a slow blogging day or something. Apparently, and news to me, because of Lee, the backdoor stayed unlocked, I guess some kid that used to live there used to get locked out when he'd use the outdoor shower or whatever, so Lee got in the habit of leaving it unlocked. Fuckin A. We have a fenced in back 'yard' but someone must have hopped it, went in, and kicked in all the doors to the bedrooms, taking money and small valuables (I'll tell you what else in a minute). Magical time of the year my ass. Let me be the first to disdainfully say "bah humbug."
My Cruella deVille of a landlady, completely unconcerned with our plight, is more upset with the fact that now she has to fix doorframes and doorlocks (she's refusing to change the front and back house locks), and says that I have no reason to break my lease early because she's securing the rooms by reinstalling doorknob locks. Listen, if they were secure to begin with, they wouldn't have been kicked in so easily. Secondly, all she did was glue my shattered frame back together! She almost came across as blaming us for having our doors locked, because that required more damage to be done by breaking the frames to enter. I really loathe this individual. Literally did not care one iota that our shit's stolen. Of course blaming us that the back door was unlocked, even though apparently when Ben, one of the housemates went to tell her someone broke in, probably through the back, she said Lee needs the back door unlocked. Aaarrrgghhh. And she blamed ben for having his door unlocked (he had locked it, she was wrong) that goes straight out through his room to the outdoor bathroom. I can't explain to you how obtuse this lady is. But, yes, she sustained property damage, and no, she's not the one to blame in all this. You know what else those bastards took of mine. Not cufflinks, not cologne, my camera and ipod were with me at work (they were nice enough to disconnect my ipod cable that was in my computer and leave it for me, yet they also disconnected and took my computer cable), not even one of a kind pictures of me and the beautiful Christina; no, they took the one piece of apparel I own that's completely novel and stands out when on my person. My fucking yellow Pumas! I'm not joking, it took me til later last night to realize it, but who steals a shoe?! Honestly. I loved those shoes, they were sweet. It's almost like they were pissed at me for not having easy cash to steal, so they sent a final "fuck you" my way by taking the coolest looking thing on my floor. So I spent all day today scouring melbourne to find a pair, no dice. Which leaves me with two options: look online for them, or use this as an excuse to purchase another pair of shoes no one else will have: Bathing Apes.
So no computer, no yellow pumas. If you were expecting emails from me, forget it. If you were expecting pictures from me, all gone, forget it. If you were expecting jocularity and a general sense of good vibrations, all gone, forget it. Here's an interesting little factoid, though. Prior to discovering my collapsable door, I really had to go to the bathroom. I mean I was rushing upstairs to do it. After I saw my door/room, I literally didn't have to go anymore, I completely forgot about relieving myself, and didn't end up doing so until I got back later that night at 3 in the morning. What an interesting sensation. It's like the fight or flight response (sympathetic nervious system) completely trumped my parasympathetic - rest/digest system (which, not coincidentally, controlls things such as bowel movements). It's all science, really. This is all true; I work with doctors.

So far I've had a $100 (american) pair of shoes stolen, $150 cash (Australian, which is about equal to the value of the perpetrator's soul) stolen, and my (John's Hopkins's) laptop stolen, along with all my music on it (which fortunately is on my ipod, with no way of charging). Let's just say I wasn't expecting to be victimized quite this much in the land down under. So, as much as I actually like this place, until something really cool actually happens to me (or something truly horrible happens to the culprit), I will not have one complimentary thing to say about the country of Australia (after this: the food still is really good). Sorry, australia, it shouldn't have come to this, but I will have no more positive utterances (re: you) prior to you providing me with some sincere happiness.


So I'll probably be blogging/emailing less frequently, I'll come in to the lab computers when I can. I'll tell you all about my night last night (I was out with a group of people I had never met before, always a gutsy move) when I feel like it, and right now, vultures, I don't. In fact, I don't feel like doing much besides going to a shoe store to see what size pumas I need to buy off ebay, and going home to watch football on my computer. Since I can't do that, I'll read the damn book I bought today, for this very reason. I don't even read books.