Whhhaaaa?

With my new internet access, I just started catching up with 24, so I'm about 10 episodes behind; all I have to say is, "What the hell just happened, and why is ________ back in the picture?!" I'm all for over the top entertainment, but this is a high ass top to be over.
I also think I would be remiss if I didn't weigh in on the NBA MVP race, and here is my stance: anyone who doesn't think Kobe Bryant shouldn't win the award is a racist. First of all, another primary candidate, Dirk, is a Floppy-headed Nazi. And Steve Nash is a nerdy honkey, eh. And after he was raped by that upper-middle class, affluent white girl, who thinks she can get away with anything she wants because of her family's status.... she knew she'd be handling basketball players when she applied for a hotel concierge position in Eagle, CO. Disgraceful. In fact, if he does not receive an adequate number of votes, I'll be holding protests calling for the resignation of the MVP election committee. Maybe even start a fundraiser to pay for a college education for his wife.
A couple of quick hitters, and then it's back to 24, my new excuse to avoid med school applications.
First, land of the plunging neckliners are disturbingly anal about credit card signatures (perhaps it's the American flag and bald eagle on the front of mine that raises issues?). You can never just sign a reciept and leave, you must re-present your card for signature examination. At McDonalds, they have to go get the manager to perform the handwriting analysis. In fact, tonight, Jimmy, the fine deputy manager that he is, asked me for further ID to go with my card. I understand completely, in the light of the myriad mc-nugget defraudation cases coming to trial. When he then asked that I point out my name on my license, I nearly lost it. "Are you serious?" then I dropped my basketball shorts to drop my dick on the counter: "Oh, Mr. Corcoran-Schwartz, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you would grace our establishment." Sorry, perversion does not become me, but I was fairly bitter after that interaction.
While this is a great city/country, and all, I think people are a bit simple when it comes to their sense of humor. Twice this week it failed to deliver the goods, and I found myself ruing the day I expected australian comedy to make me laugh. First, I accompanied Neil and co. to Rockwiz, a live audience filmed gameshow of obscure rock and roll (the devil's music) trivia. "Classical australian humor," as it was described to me. Well guess what? My bored countenace was unchanged for the duration of the show, even after the "celebrity" guest Jeff Duff performed. Yes! THE Jeff Duff. In fact, the humor was base, poorly delivered, and the host with her cartoon voice only reinforced my belief that women cannot carry a comedic endeavor. But lo, TLOTPN would have an opportunity to redeem itself, for I attended (at the urging of Kerryn, a locally grown lab worker) the Melbourne Comedy Festival act, Tripod, a whimsical trio of musicians performing funny songs, or "fongs." And their style? You guessed it, "classical australian humor." I think I deciphered what this means, now (kind of like queue = line, I'll discuss more of these another time): "Not remotely humorous... in fact, lame and decidedly unentertaining, with a hint of rather-be-getting-a-colonoscopy." The next time someone tells me something is australian comedy at its finest, I'll probably regret to inform the invitor that I have unfortunately made other plans, such as clipping my nails or counting the fibers in my socks.
Finally, I have always been proud of my businesslike handshake, but today I think I may have gone too far. One of the girls living here was being visited by her mother, who had flown in from Japan, and I happened to bump into them in the street on the way home from the gym. Upon introduction and the obligatory, "no, you can't possibly be her mother, you're far too young looking," and hand shaking pleasantries, the mother pulled away in obvious pain. Whoops. I think I broke this little woman's tiny hand. 55 years ago that might have prevented WWII.